For all the mistakes I have made, I always feel the worst when I hurt someone else. I have never understood why when we are hurt ourselves, we for someone reason hurt the ones closest to us. Maybe its out of fear. We do this as a form of protection. Maybe I was so hurt by someone that I did this to protect myself. And maybe, maybe I am just not nearly as good of a person as I claim to be. Maybe I have convinced myself that my reasons were valid. But all the while I knew that that wasn’t true. In the end we all make mistakes, but maybe you are right. Maybe I shouldn’t be trusted. Cause I can point a lot of fingers and try to place the blame, but at the end of the day it was me. I hurt you. And no matter what pain I felt, nothing can be a good enough excuse for hurting you. 

I am covered in green

Its pale but im sure you can see

I am a little green with jealousy

Cause for a second I thought I was happy

And now I am made to be the fool

The fool that almost ruined the two of you

i need to get out of my own head

I tend to get lost in it 

then when i fall back into reality 

its almost worse than before

I am haunted by the memories

The nightmares that come in my sleep

By the feeling of meaning nothing

I am haunted by the words that weren’t said

By the single chance we would have had

If one of us had taken a different path

I am haunted by a stranger

The one I share these memories with

But now it’s like we never met

I am haunted by the part where I was thrown away

Because at the end of the day

I could never hurt you the way you hurt me

There are moments

Moments when things click into place

There are moments, you know?

Those moments when the lesson becomes a reality

There are moments when you are forced to accept the truth

There are moments when you admit that you were not the exception to the rule

There are moments when you step back to look at the whole picture instead of the fraction you are stuck in

Those moments when things click and finally sink in

Those are the moments, you know?

Those moments when you know you will wake up a different person the next day

Because you realize that things just cant stay the same

Im not mad

Because in order for me to be mad 

I would have to actually give a shit about you

And the funniest thing is after months of fighting and hoping for you to actually care about me

I stopped caring about you 

I need a map

Or maybe a compass

Something to point me in the right direction

Something to tell me which path to take

Despite my best efforts I am running in circles

Looking for somewhere to go that wont end in pain

Because right now I am broke, a little more than I was before

And I don’t know if I can keep breaking anymore

There are very few people you can entirely trust. Because in the end everyone has their own agenda. Even if they know your story, even if they can see how broken you are. Everyone is selfish, every person puts themselves first. And maybe we shouldn’t blame them because we do the same. But while you may understand their reasons, don’t trust them. Despite what you may think there is always more damage to be done, you can always be broken just a little more. 

People’s feelings have a way of eventually catching up to them

Forget everyone else

Take off your mask

Hide it wherever you want

But dont expect me back 

Second chances they come and go

But I dont have time for that anymore

You want the honest truth

I dont think I ever knew you

I thought that I could trust

But obviously I was lost

You threw me away 

And I tried

To defend you and stay on your side

But I’m done fighting for all of that

We are done and that is that